Kardashian

AMERICAN CRIME STORY WILL FEATURE KARDASHIANS AS CHILDREN

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David Schwimmer is actually starting to LOOK like OJ Simpson’s nefarious buddy Robert Kardashian! He’s on the Brentwood set filming American Crime Story, and the Kardashian kids are featured in the TV movie also. Little lookalike versions of Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, and Rob Jr have been cast to costar. Having younger versions of the entire Kardashian family will certainly increase interest in the project. Smart idea. We’re betting the girl in pink is playing Kim and the girl in blue is definitely Khloe.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

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CHRISTINA AGUILERA : THE KARDASHIAN INFLUENCE

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This photo makes us want to tear our hair out because it illustrates how much influence the overbearing Kardashians have had on the world of makeup. Christina Aguilera has a perfectly nice face but when she appeared at a red carpet event for The Voice this week she looked like THIS. The hair is cool, but she’s PAINTED and shaded within an inch of her life! How far is the artificial look going to go? Those heavy false eyelashes – everything looks drawn on. What happened to “the natural look?” The Kardashians seem to have made caked-on makeup okay.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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KRIS HUMPHRIES HAS NOTHING BUT PITY FOR LAMAR ODOM

Kris Humphries, who was briefly married to Kim Kardashian, you will recall, has jumped on the “Lamar is being set up” bandwagon. Kris thinks a lot of negative and inaccurate drug speculation has been ‘leaked” by the Kardashians to websites and tabloids and it could ruin Lamar’s NBA career. (For example, Lamar was never really “missing” or suspected of being on a crack cocaine drug binge.) According to RadarOnline, Kris is not a friend of Lamar’s, but he remembers being targeted the same way and going through “tabloid hell” when he was divorcing Kim. Kris says “There should be a support group for former boyfriends and husbands of the Kardashians.”

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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KRIS JENNER NEEDS A BIG BAG FOR HER MONEY

EVERYBODY is going to Selfridges in London since the PBS TV series put the store back on the map. Among the shoppers: the Kardashians of course. Kris discovered Chanel’s hula hoop purse – it was the most talked about item in the Spring collection. The jumbo version of this beach bag wasn’t expected to make it into stores, but apparently it did. A mini version of the bag is $2500.00 so the big one must be around $20,000. Pocket money for Kris.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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THE KARDASHIANS, AMONG OTHERS, CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!

What happened to everybody’s sense of humor? This silly Ford ad, which was leaked but never published or used in any way, has caused the mischievous ad agency employees responsible to be fired and Kardashian lawyers are threatening a lawsuit! Apologies are flying all over the place! Feminists are riled up! What’s WRONG with you people? Don’t you know a JOKE when you see one? The “ad” was captioned ”Leave Your Worries Behind.” Paris Hilton is gleefully driving the three bound and gagged Kardashian sisters who stole Paris’s fame and popularity, in the roomy Ford trunk. Obviously Paris sees the humor in it because she’s the only one not complaining – about an ad that was never used. Stop overanalyzing- it’s a funny mock-up, nothing more.

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CAN KRIS JENNER SUCCEED WITHOUT HER DAUGHTERS?

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Many of our readers seem to have developed a powerful dislike for anything Kardashian– so this will make them gag. According to Deadline.com, Kris Jenner is negotiating with Fox to have her own talk show! (That’s funny – we thought talk show hosts had to be well liked!) Kris has been DYING for her own show and Fox is thinking of giving her a chance this summer with a six week test run. Wendy Williams and Bethenny had successful summer test runs that launched their shows, and Kris figures she can do the same. (Above, Kris and Oprah)

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OPTICAL ILLUSION KARDASHIAN STYLE

Okay, we stopped dead when we saw this photo of the Kardashian sisters promoting their new eyewear collection for Sears. Was there no budget for a stylist? Those three hideously cheap looking dresses in stretch black lace remind one of Forever 21 in the 90’s. SO dated. Naturally, they happen to be from the Kardashian Kollection for Sears. And there’s nothing edgy or modern or flattering about the eyeglass frames either. The Kardashian brand is devolving rapidly. Obviously the ad budget was blown on photoshopping and extensions for the sisters. What would Kanye think of this?

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THIS IS WHAT THE KARDASHIANS MIGHT LOOK LIKE IN 20 YEARS AFTER THEY ARE DIVORCED AND LIVING IN THE SUBURBS

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It’s fun imagining what celebrities might look like if they were ordinary people in small towns. Of course, the Kardashians in the future as whimsically imagined by our friends at Planet Hiltron, won’t be on the cover of US magazine any more.

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PARIS HILTON WANTS TO BE A KARDASHIAN

Paris Hilton is tired of being ignored by the paparazzi so she put on a long dark wig and sunglasses in hopes of passing as a Kardashian! Too bad she wore the disguise to the Maxfield 40% off sale where they couldn’t care less- she’d have gotten a bigger reception on Robertson Blvd.

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MADONNA TRUMPS THE KARDASHIANS IN RETAIL SALES

Desperate retailers have been snapping up young celebrities to develop exclusive apparel lines for their chain stores and some have been faring far better than others. Right now the Kardashians and Selena Gomez are at the bottom of the heap because their collections are featured in Sears and Kmart stores which are going out of business left and right. Demi Lovato and Gwen Stefani are doing well with their lines at Target, but the biggest winner of all: Madonna and her daughter Lourdes’s Material Girl collection at Macy’s. Their clothing line has had an excellent year and Macy’s stock is up 27.2%.

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