Plot

IF YOU LOVE THE WHITE LOTUS, DON’T READ THIS!

Spoiler alert!! Our inside source just revealed one of the plot twists for the upcoming season 3 of The White Lotus. It’s already been announced that season one regular, Natasha Rothwell is coming back as Belinda the spa manager, but what has NOT been revealed yet, is that Jennifer Coolidge’s late character Tanya McQuoid changed her will before she died, leaving her entire fortune to Belinda! Belinda now owns the wellness center where all of the action in season 3 takes place. If that wasn’t enough scoop, here’s another tidbit: Although Jennifer’s character is dead, she’s set to appear in at least some flashback scenes, to explain away why and when she changed her will. (Somehow we just KNEW Tanya would find a way to come back!)

Photo: The White Lotus

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THE NEW STAR TREK MOVIE IS BEYOND DEPLORABLE

Through no fault of the actors, Star Trek Beyond is a huge embarrassment to the TV series and films that preceded it. It’s so amateurish from the start that we imagined a couple of 19 years old guys smoking weed and dashing off the script in a weekend – and being proud of it. Along with the awful script was a total lack of decent production values. Much of the movie is dark and blurry and tinted blue. The Entreprise crew is still wearing those polyester shirts that zip in the back, and women in space wore MINISKIRTS AND BOOTS! It takes place hundreds of years in the FUTURE, but there are no delightful new inventions or advancements to marvel at. Apparently the two stoned scriptwriters we imagined writing this plotless nightmare decided that special effects of explosive space battles would thrill viewers. We couldn’t get out of the movie theater fast enough.

Photo: Paramount

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TOM CRUISE’S “OBLIVION” LEAVES YOU WONDERING WHY YOU BOTHERED

Tom Cruise is rapidly becoming the king of comic book movies (or “graphic novels” if you prefer.) His latest effort, the aptly titled “Oblivion,” is typical of the genre- the visuals are outstanding. The modern house he lives in high above earth is spectacular, as are the space age vehicles he races around in. What’s missing is a cohesive story. It’s not easy to translate a comic book that EXPLAINS every image quite clearly, into expository dialog, and these writers failed miserably. Good luck trying to figure out who’s fighting who and why. Character development and motivation are cast aside for outer space special effects. The only way to enjoy this movie is to read a synopsis of the plot before you go in – but that kind of spoils the whole experience. Comic book based movies are clearly a waste of time if you’re yearning for a compelling story.

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DON’T BLAME THE BUNNIES: HORRIBLE WRITING KILLED “THE PLAYBOY CLUB”

It’s a shame that The Playboy Club series was such a disappointment and only lasted three episodes. The Chicago based show set in the 60’s, when Rush Street was hot, LOOKED glossy and great, but the writing was pathetic. A story about the bunnies and their lives at that time would have been far more interesting than the trumped up gangster plot that had nothing to do with the club. A smart female writer would have talked to a slew of former bunnies and gotten all their stories together. These girls had interesting lives and a lot to tell. In those days the prettiest girls in Chicago became stewardesses or Playboy bunnies. It could have been a really fun series.

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“TWO AND A HALF MEN” PRODUCER PLANS A FIERY DEATH FOR CHARLIE SHEEN

“Two and a Half Men” fans are wondering how Charlie Sheen’s character will disappear and how Ashton Kutcher will fit into the series next season. UK writer Andrew Morton insists that he has inside information. Morton says that it’s likely that Charlie’s character will be killed off in a spectacular car crash when his Mercedes flies off a cliff near his Malibu home. After Charlie’s funeral, his beach house will be put up for sale. Ashton Kutcher will enter the show’s plot line by buying the home. He’ll take pity on Charlie’s broke brother Alan, played by Jon Cryer, and his son Jake, and let them continue to live there. Sounds plausible.

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WERE YOU DUPED BY DUPLICITY?

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“Duplicity” ia another example of “the emperors new clothes.” (No one wants to admit they don’t understand it.) There are may reviews praising Julia Roberts and Clive Owen and their spicy dialog, but few reviewers seem to bring up the fact that the PLOT is a convoluted mess, almost impossible to understand. It seems most reviewers are afraid to confess they couldn’t figure out what the heck is going on in this story. It’s exhausting trying to keep the flashbacks and flashforwards straight. The movie has some very appealing scenes and characters, but is it really out of line to expect a plot that a person with normal observational powers can follow? Did any readers out there really understand this film?

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